A journey of self-love while coping with uncertainty

I want to take a moment to appreciate the fact that I had a very positive and productive month. Thanks to Hazel Sunshine’s website I get to keep a log of this progress and how good it makes me feel. This is a new approach I am taking to life and so far I am loving every moment of it.

What a way to start the month! January 2024 has left a mark in my heart in many positive ways and I couldn’t be more grateful to God and the Universe for conspiring with my best interest in mind.

This month I decided to take my social media seriously and grow my social presence so I can use that to continue to provide for my family. I am learning as I go but it feels good to try new things and get different results than what I have been doing the last year or two.

My kids started a new curriculum which is more advanced and challenging, so far, they are doing amazing and the challenge is keeping things very dynamic in my house. They are challenging each other, helping each other, learning to do research, writing better notes, getting better at math and algebra, using all their resources to gain information before making decisions and experimenting more with independence in activities in general.

As for my social life, I am trying to put ourselves out there so our homeschool experience can be successful. As my children entered a more complex age I started to notice the needs changing as much as everything else and I either handled the needs or sank under the weight of new problems that I did not want my kids to deal with such as sadness or lack of self-confidence.

I started to look at myself and realized that I can be 100% happy being alone for long periods and that does not align with how social my kids are, so it was time to step up and handle this new challenge. I started by hosting a small get-together with a very sweet group of homeschoolers called Engage – RGV Meetups for Homeschoolers, they welcomed us with open arms and I saw my kids feeling very happy afterwards. Eventually, I decided to offer my time and volunteer to create more events for teens and preteens to hang out and get to know each other. I don’t know what I am doing and I am learning as I go but so far I feel very proud of the four of us for the efforts we are putting in to make this home school experience as beautiful as it can be for us.

I also started to make more videos about what I do daily to connect with more people like me, single moms who are just living life and trying their best for their kids. I feel that even though my story is a bit different, I can relate to the struggles a lot. When I was younger making videos and content was easier and more natural to me, the more I grew and the more responsibilities I got the harder making content has become for me.

My efforts are working though, I feel more confident the more action I take which with my own set of mental struggles is a big win. I am also learning what works and what doesn’t, where I want to go, and where I don’t. So the learning never ends yall! and the journey of self-development that I started back in 2016 is still very much in progress.

Art has been a part of my life since I was a little girl, but I sure have neglected to spend time with it for a long time. I am getting in touch with it again. Part of it is because I love it and it relaxes me so much and part of it is because I am hosting a few social gatherings for homeschoolers while they do some art projects as well. Now that I am creating more often, the flow of painting continues to heal my soul from wounds I thought were already healed. Art is a friend that never goes away.

Between homeschooling, selling jewelry and more, writing, painting, recording, and being a mom, my schedule is always full and I can feel overwhelmed. Finding joy in activities that I can do while the kids are around has helped my journey as a widow and painting is one of them.

One fun thing I have noticed this month and that is the way people stare when you are filming in public. it makes me laugh with nervousness when it happens because they are not ashamed not one bit to fully stare and turn their heads to follow what you’re doing. But now that I have footage of it happening it makes me feel better because on the video you can tell I’m minding my own business not hurting anyone and they can look so silly. So now that I see not everyone does that and most people don’t care what you’re doing I feel more confident to continue to do my vlogs.

I have a few vlogs filmed right now but I’m still figuring out the editing part of YouTube. I want my channel to be consistent and to have my weekly episodes come out on time, so I know now for a fact I’ll have at least a month and a have of content for youtibe before I go live. I am giving myself a few weeks to figure this out and if I can’t I’ll have to give the job to someone else and hire an editor.

My numbers are growing slowly and I’m ok with that because I am moving forward and not staying stagnant even when dealing with fatigue or mental health. I feel very hopeful of whats to come and how things can develop for me and my kiddos. I trust God in this journey and I am here, listening and paying attention to the inspired thoughts. The best thoughts to have.

Xo,

Hazel